Bacon Bro

Tonight, I literally ate bacon in bed.
I tried to watch Skins, but began to feel that watching prepubescent british blokes wanking off wasn't how baby Jesus wanted me to spend my evening. Not really, I just finished all of Weeds and everything pales in comparison. Those people are stage actors, yo!

I'm beginning to feel this weird longing for a sense of direction coupled with a general complacency for where I am. The thought of graduating college soon is scaring me shit-less and the prospect of starting grown-up-wear -sweater-vests and swirl-your-wine college is also freaking me out.

I just want to know when I should get my career as professional food critic, super model, and kitten snuggler under way? Do I really need several degrees to accomplish these tasks?

Speaking of accomplishing tasks...I can't decide if I am putting forth as much effort as I think to meet a dude or if I am just lazy and complainish when it all doesn't fall into my lap. Perhaps I have secretly resigned to this place not EVER having what I want. If only I was looking for misogynist red-necks; there's a whole house of them next door that bark at me on my way in!


Maybe one day I'll join in on the drunken volleyball matches and we'll all bump chests and sing along to the Baha Men. That would just be brolific!

photo: beach volleyball database

I always dream of cleaning the world for you.

I haven't read Thanks and Have Fun Running the Country: Kid's letters to President Obama but I've found some excerpts online and it looks fantastic. Bill Cosby and I have more in common than liking over-sized sweaters and foods you don't have to chew; I too love quippy children. Below is my favorite excerpt so far.

Dear President Obama,

I know you want to save the Earth, but people don’t want to clean. My life is to clean up all the world and help you to clean. I always dream of cleaning the world for you. I’ll do anything for you because you are the president in this world.

Stephanie Gonzalez, age 7, Los Angeles

photo via: 826national.org

excerpt via: schoollibraryjournal.com

Caliente!

I had my first date in a long time this past weekend.

Apparently there are certain sexual practices I wasn't aware of.

When my prompted date divulged what he was "in to" (literally), I dropped my jaw into my indian style legs and shrieked "WHAT?"

I'm sure that really made him want to divulge more of his deep, dark, secrets with me.

Let's just say, this guy should never buy his date mexican before performing his act of choice.

It always feels good to find out you're a prude.

Ei Carumba!


image: Tom Ford Eyewear Fall '08
via: fabsugar.com

Friday's Inspirations

I have never needed a weekend break more than I do this week! The sun is finally out and I've got a date tonight.

Here are Friday's Inspirations:

Prada pumps for a red&black themed dance party tonight, sea foam-green jordan almonds (my only source of protein), the sexiest person on the planet, Chloe Sevigny for Opening Ceremony, the only upside to 20 years of nerd-ery, one of the Murakamis I love (see Haruki), sweet carbonated bliss!

Shame, shame.

Some sweaty, rotund man, with a scab on his forehead just walked into the office and thumbed through my Moleskine planner, huffing:
"Lemme see, Ah gawt wun jus lahk that...Oh, I thot it wus a Kang James Bahble."

LITTLE DID YOU KNOW IT'S MY DEBAUCHEROUS BOOK OF BLASPHEMY!

Turned right to the date on which I've agreed to have mojitos and gratuitous sex with the devil.

Petit Confections

I can't begin to explain what decadence this weekend was!

The whole thing was incredibly Dionysian.

Some highlights include: homemade zucchini fritters, hot tubbing, fresh blueberry doughnuts at midnight, jordan almonds and quirky Coppola's "Dracula", going for mexican and becoming engulfed in drunken sorority hilarity!

I love my friends, old and new.

My plants may be choking their last breaths but something else is blossoming this fall...

Photo via: Serious Eats New York

This is exactly what friday feels like.

Watch this whole video to get in the mood for the weekend.

I think I know what I'll be doing in my living room....

Found via: the fifth day of may